I knew there was a greater purpose to me getting cancer, when I realized it was about being the success story I couldn’t find and helping others, everything changed in that very moment.

It was a day like any other early in the diagnosis period. I was scattered, mentally all over the place, unable to think clearly and differentiate between thoughts or feelings. I was trying not to allow myself to get stuck in the ‘why me’ train of thought. I'd felt all of that and didn't want to remain in that state. Instead I kept telling myself I knew that this happened for a reason, whilst that was hard to accept, I knew there had to be a reason why. 

What was it though? 

My mum used to say ‘out of everything bad comes something good’, so I went searching for the good in this situation, it HAD to be there and I WAS going to find it.

DRAGGING MY ARSE OFF GOOGLE

After searching the ins and outs of Triple Negative Breast Cancer online for far too long, I was emotionally at a low. Completely deflated. 

I even went searching for success stories to pick myself up and ended up in a spiral of negative information with minimal hope that put me in an even worse frame of mind. I HAD to get off. So I did. 

Afterwards I was able to see everything much clearer. I guess upon reflection I was operating in a state of fear when online, when I got off, whilst the information was still in my mind, the seeds had been planted; it wasn’t at the forefront anymore. The fog started lifting and I could see again, not the same as before the diagnosis, but hey, I could fucking see!

CUE THE FULL MOON

Being able to think clearer made a huge difference to my ability to look outside the current situation. When I was able to do that it was easy to see that I needed to be the success story I went looking for and couldn’t find. 

Then once I had come out on the other side, I needed to share my story with others. So when they, like me, were in a state of desperation looking online, they would find MY story and instead of instilling fear, it would instill hope.

This was it. I could feel it. It felt right, I could see it in my mind. It was one of the only things at that point in time that I was sure of. Everything else felt like a mess.

That night, I went to bed like any other night. Unlike any other night however around midnight my dog decided to scratch at the door as he wanted to go outside (which he NEVER does). So I got up and let him out. As I looked outside the back door it was as though I had left an outside light on. The moon was so full and bright. It was directly in front of me, there was no escaping it, it drew me in.

I knew what I had to do; I stood out there and stated my intention with so much clarity and passion it made me cry. I put it out there to the universe that I WAS going to be the success story and I WAS going to help others.

After I had my moment, I went back inside feeling all warm and whole. I knew that was exactly how that moment was supposed to be. It felt powerful and that feeling vibrated right through me.

HAVING PURPOSE HELPS

After that day, I had direction. I knew what I was going to do and I just had to figure out the logistics of documenting this process.  I reached out to some talented people I have known for many years Robot Army Productions  and Enchanted Weddings. They were as excited about the project as I was.

We decided I would take a series of video logs and we would do a series of interviews and they would come along to any of the big appts or events throughout the process. 

That was until COVID-19 began and shit got real… Unfortunately we weren’t able to document the surgery, or they weren’t able to come to some of the specialist’s appts as they ended up becoming phone consultations. However we were able to get enough to put a 9 part docu-series together.

WHAT’S MY POINT?

Having purpose and a driving force in some way helps. I honestly believe that I owe a lot of my success to my frame of mind. 

For me, having a clear path on what I WAS going to do, helped me achieve that. I also personally believe that when we use the things we go through in life to help others, only good can come our way. 

So setting my intention to help others really ended up helping me.

I’m so incredibly grateful for that.

x S